“Put the tablet down”: parents and children in the age of the screen

“Turn the tablet off.”

“In five minutes.”

“I told you to turn it off.”

And just like that, an ordinary moment of the day can turn into a negotiation, a tension or a conflict.

Technology has become an inseparable part of children's lives — and of adults' lives too. It is used for entertainment, communication, schoolwork, play and social contact. That is why the question today is not simply “how long is a child allowed in front of a screen?”.

We also need to ask: what are they watching, when are they watching it, why are they using it, and what else is starting to lose its place in their day?

Not all screens are the same

An hour of video calling with a relative, a creative game, a piece of schoolwork and an hour of non-stop scrolling are not the same experience.

The more recent guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics now places particular emphasis not only on duration, but on the quality of the content and on whether the use of technology is beginning to displace basic needs: sleep, movement, play, reading, schoolwork and real contact with the family.

The aim, then, is not a home without technology.

It is a home in which technology has a place — without taking over all the others.

Why does a “war” start when the tablet goes off?

If a child has become used to using a device freely, a sudden “from tomorrow, only half an hour” is likely to provoke a reaction.

A boundary is understood more easily when it is clear, predictable and consistent.

When do we use screens? When do we put them away? What content is allowed? What happens on weekdays and what at the weekend?

The AAP in fact suggests creating a Family Media Plan: a family framework for using technology that concerns not only the child but the whole household.

And the parent's phone?

Here, perhaps, is the hardest part.

It is difficult to ask a child to put the tablet down at mealtimes while we are constantly checking our own phone.

Research has now turned its attention to what is called technoference: the moments when technology interrupts parent–child interaction. Current recommendations on this concern the digital habits of the whole family, not only the children's.

A child does not learn only from the boundary we set them.

They learn from the example they see.

From control to gradual self-regulation

The final aim cannot be a parent standing over their child forever with a stopwatch.

As a child grows, they gradually need to learn to recognise for themselves when technology is starting to interfere with their sleep, their concentration, their responsibilities or their relationships. In adolescence, the APA suggests monitoring and conversation adapted to age, with gradually greater autonomy as the necessary digital skills develop.

And when every attempt at setting boundaries ends in a daily battle, Parent Counselling can help not simply with “how many hours do I allow”, but with how to build boundaries that this particular family can actually apply consistently.

Because perhaps the most useful question is not:

“How do I get my child to put the screen down?”

but:

“How can we, as a family, learn to use technology without letting technology organise our lives?”

This text is informational and psychoeducational. It is not a diagnosis and does not replace a session with a mental health professional.